it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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