I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
