i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Help. Why am I so naked?
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