jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
