dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
