can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
