Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We got so high we made milksteak
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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