I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
