why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
