Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
