Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
