Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
