So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize