go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize