Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
