you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
