Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize