I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
