She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
