So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
