he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
