okay pat passed out under dana's car
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
