come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
