you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
