Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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