I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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