Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I just sharted jello shots
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize