benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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