Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
