Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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