i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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