dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
