there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
