I CAN MOONWALK!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
