I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
