I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
