We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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