Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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