Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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