Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
