Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
