So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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