I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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