Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
