So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
