does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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