I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
