Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
