I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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