My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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