Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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