not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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