i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
