he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
