I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
