dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
