we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize