the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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