Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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