First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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