I look better un-naked...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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