I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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