we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize