at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
