what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize