Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
