I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm too high and old for this...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
