i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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