Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
