There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
