I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize