It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
