today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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