My liver just broke up with me...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize