Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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