so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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