Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
