There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
