My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
